Quiet Violence
by Mystical Authoress
Summary: Geist is completely terrified of giving in to his violent impulses, seeing himself as a remorseless monster for it. Kamiizumi, knowing that he himself is the same, tries to help the Exorcist cope with this by giving him full permission to kill him and bring him back. (no character tabs for Geist Grace or Nobutsuna Kamiizumi)


**Author note: I do not own Geist Grace, Nobutsuna Kamiizumi, Bravely Default or Bravely Second.**

 **So this is not as fluffy as my other fanfics with these two are, but I feel like they both need to approach the parts of the relationship that kind of will screw themselves over individually—namely the fact that they have both done a lot of crap in the past. They may or may not have remorse over their actions, and that may or may not disgust them to an extent. This is kind of how I think they might approach it together.**

 **Warning: Mentions of torture, some PTSD, spoilers for Bravely Default and Second due to this fanfic taking place** _ **post-Bravely Second**_ **, KamiizumixGeist**

* * *

 _ **Quiet Violence**_

Summary: Geist is completely terrified of giving in to his violent impulses, seeing himself as a remorseless monster for it. Kamiizumi, knowing that he himself is the same, tries to help the Exorcist cope with this by giving him full permission to kill him and bring him back.

* * *

"Is there something you want to talk to me about?"

It started with Kamiizumi speaking.

It continued with silent hesitation, Geist staring right at his rapier Doomsday and then to the Swordmaster, and then back to him again. He opened his mouth to speak, only to close it. Geist is silent, but in his mind there are screams he knows he took great relish in hearing.

It disturbs him.

"Geist. Please tell me."

Kamiizumi sat down in front of him as he spoke again. He watched Geist's face contort into mortification, licking his lips with insecurity, and then the Exorcist spoke.

"I can hear their voices." Geist swallowed, took a deep breath. "I can hear their screams, Nobutsuna. And I like them. I _like_ those screams. I can hear myself laugh in my head, listening to their pathetic sobs."

He looked down, shutting his eyes.

"I feel sick."

Everyone talks about the trauma people have from being tortured, watching people die, nearly dying themselves. But what about the torturer or killer themselves? No one thinks about them.

Kamiizumi _knows_ how it feels to be _a killer._ He still can remember watching Qada bleed out onto the Starkfort Fortress floor, the red of his blood trying to wash away the numerous sins the man had.

Some small part of him feels absolutely no regret at all for that. And another part of him feels sick about that, too.

"Geist. You stopped that. It's not going to happen again."

Kamiizumi knows he has to reassure him in some way. It's horrible to know that one can be completely terrified at the knowledge of what they are capable of doing and what they have already done. The Swordmaster is not blind to Geist attacking the people of Florem and even threatening harm to Edea. No, he's not blind at all to that.

But he knows that Geist has changed by now.

" _But what if I do it again?"_

Geist has to ask.

He _has_ to.

He needs to be _absolutely sure._

"What if I hurt you? Or the children? Or someone else we care about? I'm a torturer and killer, Nobutsuna."

"And I am the same."

Kamiizumi knows that Geist knows of his past—starting the civil war in the Eisen Region, and causing numerous deaths. Geist knows that Kamiizumi killed Qada because he was disgusted with the man's evil plans and lack of remorse in them.

"That may be true, but…" Geist looked directly into the Swordmaster's eyes, "I don't have remorse. At least, not complete remorse. Just a little bit. I don't deny that I enjoyed my kills."

"I found mine just as thrilling, Geist. I don't deny having enjoyed watching people bleed out. Especially one of my past subordinates."

Kamiizumi speaks with conviction, with a sureness. Geist knows Kamiizumi would never lie to him. The two were always honest about anything they did and talked about with each other. Especially things like this.

"Nobutsuna, you killed Qada because you saw his lack of remorse. Why haven't you killed me?"

 _Oh…_ The Swordmaster found himself thinking. Why kill Qada and not Geist? Hell, why not kill himself? They all had no remorse (to some extent) for their actions. What made him and Geist different from Qada?

"I haven't done that," Kamiizumi finally stated, looking up at Geist, "Simply because _I care for you_. That might be a weak reason to some, I know, but I cannot bear killing someone I love."

Geist went quiet. His red eyes widened. Are those _tears_ forming at the corners of his eyes?

Has he actually made him cry?

Kamiizumi moved to grab a handkerchief and offer it to him, but Geist shook his head, wiping them with the back of his hands. They were silent for a few more moments before Geist spoke again.

"I care for _you,_ too." Geist looked like he was in pain. "But…but…"

"Geist, stay with me."

Kamiizumi offers his hand to him. Geist takes it and squeezes it, keeping contact with the other's eyes. "You can talk to me. I won't push things if this is getting too uncomfortable."

"No. I should talk. I need to." Geist is squeezing his hand even harder. Kamiizumi wonders if I his hand will end up breaking afterwards. Either way, Geist will try to fix it afterwards.

"…I've fantasized about killing you sometimes. I should feel sick about it, but to an extent I…I don't."

Geist took both of Kamiizumi's hands into his, squeezing them equally hard as he kept eye contact with him.

"Does that make me a monster, Nobutsuna?"

Kamiizumi had to absorb the words into his mind. It took him a moment, maybe two. He recalled first hearing about Geist's actions from others who had heard about it from witnesses. He wondered how a man could be as sick as that.

And now this same person was the man he'd fallen in love with.

"If it makes you a monster, I'm just as much as one as you are. But to me, Geist, you are no monster."

Geist shuddered, shifted closer so that the two were only a few inches away from each other. They were still holding hands, gazing at each other's eyes, completely silent now.

Kamiizumi thought about what Geist had previously said. The fantasy. _The fantasy of killing him._

"We all have our inner darkness, but that doesn't make us completely bad." Kamiizumi began again, taking a deep breath, watching Geist and seeing that that the man was paying rapt attention to him. "We cannot see everything as black or white, Geist. The world's true nature is never just black or white. And same goes for its inhabitants. Same goes for us."

"So surely," Geist chuckled, half nervous and half grim, "It is composed of many grey shades."

"Perhaps it really is."

A pause.

"Geist?"

The Exorcist had looked down during the pause, and now he looked up at him. "Yes?"

Kamiizumi took a deep breath. "You said you had fantasies about killing me."

It was a statement, not a question, to be confirmed.

Geist nodded. "Yes." The Exorcist could feel dread pooling in the pit of his stomach, climbing up to his chest ever so carefully. What was Kamiizumi going to say? Would he be disgusted?

So he was surprised when the other man spoke the next two words.

"Kill me."

Geist's eyes were completely wide, a shuddering gasp escaping his throat. But the smallest, twisted parts of him began to giggle and laugh within him, crowing at the talk of death and destruction.

"What?"

Kamiizumi kept calm in reply, kept his face calm as he repeated his words.

"You can kill me."

"Why—why do you—" Geist shook his head, his hands raising to grab the other man by his shoulders firmly, gripping them hard. He almost wanted his nails to dig into Kamiizumi's skin, make it _bleed,_ but immediately he was repulsed by the thoughts even entering his mind in the first place. And it didn't help that Kamiizumi was fully clothed, meaning that his nails would have to dig that much harder to get through the fabric. "What are you… _why_ do you suggest this…?"

Kamiizumi wasn't surprised that Geist was terrified that his beloved was actually suggesting that he kill him. He almost expected a reaction such as this. But Geist had leaned a bit too forwards when grabbing Kamiizumi's shoulders, and he felt himself fall onto his back, hitting the makeshift mattress underneath them hard. The Swordmaster closed his eyes, taking another breath, before looking up into the eyes of the terrified man.

"Because," Kamiizumi stated, his face completely sure, "I have faith that you will bring me back from the brink of death. If that is what you desire, I won't stop you. Just…bring me back afterwards."

Kamiizumi had to inwardly admit he even found the prospect of _dying_ to be thrilling, despite how dreaded it may be to others. He wasn't afraid of dying, he was more afraid of losing the people that he loves so much. But Geist could bring him back. Geist could always _"Undo"_ it.

Geist was silent, but he reached underneath the mattress, feeling around, before grasping the hilt of a dagger. He kept there in case someone tried to break in during the night, so he could defend himself, but now the intention for its use was entirely different.

He pulled the dagger out from under the mattress, keeping it raised in front of Kamiizumi's face so he could show him that it was there, before he lowered it to Kamiizumi's throat. As he tried to keep some calm on his own face, Geist could sense that there was _so much blood_ that could flow from the other man. How long could it take for the Swordmaster to bleed out? His darker urges cooed to him, encouraged him to try it out. Kamiizumi had consented to this, after all, and Geist could and would bring him back after that too.

Kamiizumi watched the dagger appear and then lower to his throat. He closed his eyes, expecting to feel something. The splatter of his own blood over his robes and throat, perhaps? Or maybe he should expect the pain, then the blood? Maybe Geist had already done it now and here Kamiizumi was, thinking his last thoughts, even if just for a moment or so.

…

Kamiizumi opened his eyes as he felt the press of the other man's forehead against his, and then tears dripping onto his face.

Geist was crying. The Swordmaster immediately wrapped his arms about the other's neck, letting him rest his forehead on his. He held him as close as he could, letting the man cry. Kamiizumi could feel himself form tears at the edges of his own eyes, but he did his best to blink them away, making himself focus solely on Geist.

"I-I can't." Geist's voice still came out in little sobs. The knife was slack against Kamiizumi's throat, and then he felt Geist put it away to the side. "I-I can't do it. Even if you allowed me to…I-I can't do it, Nobutsuna."

"Geist…" Kamiizumi kept holding him, and then let the man bury his face into his chest. "Geist, do you know what that means?"

"What?" Geist half-glared back at him, but Kamiizumi knew that Geist was angrier at himself than he was at him. "What does that mean?"

"It means that you'd never hurt me, someone you care about. You'd _never_ hurt the people you care about, Geist. You can trust yourself regarding that." Kamiizumi felt his own voice crack at the words. "G-Geist...you need to trust yourself."

Geist took a deep breath, and Kamiizumi moved a hand to try to wipe the other's tears. It worked, somewhat. The Exorcist took a deep breath, closing his eyes momentarily and letting the Swordmaster's words sink in. He then looked up at him, moving so that they were making eye contact again.

"Nobutsuna…."

Kamiizumi felt Geist's searing lips against his, hot and heavy with relief, with warmth and caring, a catharsis for the quiet violence in them that stayed after their deeds were done.

"I am glad to hear that. And I believe the same goes for you."

Kamiizumi smiled at Geist's whisper, letting his own tears flow from his eyes, before kissing him just as deeply in return. There was no sex that came afterwards, just a few deep kisses and Geist letting himself curl up to Kamiizumi ever so quietly for the rest of the afternoon.

They both acknowledged that there were deeds they did that would haunt them. But they could push through the quiet violence of it all, together.


End file.
